Male Journey #10

SHOULDER TO SHOULDER

Men relate to one another better shoulder to shoulder than face-to-face, which is the mode most women prefer. Women often experience men as unwilling to talk, lacking vulnerability, and out of touch with their feelings. Experts hypothesize that women’s operative vocabulary for feelings and inner states is probably 5-1 compared to most men. We seem to be falling out of many conversations, some of which are needed and important for right relationships.

Men, however, will stick together in the trenches, on their teams, and with other tasks, feeling a kind of union, loyalty, and caring, a very real bonding with their fellow men in doing rather than talking. In active group tasks, men are not usually competitive but literally shoulder to shoulder in their work. This is actually a male sense of intimacy, which women do not always understand or appreciate. It can lead men to great love, hard work, and sacrifice for others. This might explain why sports, war, and physical work appeal to men; such shoulder-to-shoulder activity provides a way for them to connect and be in relationships.

Q

What situations do I remember, in which I was shoulder to shoulder with others intent on a shared task?

Frank’s commentary:

Action versus talking. Doing versus feeling. These are only two of the classic differences between ourselves and the women in our lives. Today, it seems that the female approach to relationships gets a lot of airtime as positive and the best way to lead life, while our male way is rebuked. Interestingly, I see the complaints of women more as their demonstration of not being able to understand us and why we are the way we are. We are called “jerks”, “Neanderthals”, insensitive, etc. This name calling makes as much sense as us saying that women are “babies” because they cry, or “immature” because of drama in their lives.

We and the women we know operate at a different levels (equal, but different in how intimacy is demonstarated. I use the word intimacy, not in the female context, but the male context: working for the common goal, teaming up, supporting one another. We, as human beings, need to be social. To bond. In our case, as men, this comes down to forming a community with our friends and family. Offering assistance when needed (or not needed), being that shoulder that can be counted on.

Having this type of intimacy with our friends and family is a win-win for all.

PORTUGUESE

OMBRO A OMBRO

Se os homens relacionam melhor ombro a ombro que face a face, que é o modo que a maioria das mulheres prefere. As mulheres experimentam frequentemente homens tão dispostos a falar, falta de vulnerabilidade e fora de contato com seus sentimentos. Especialistas hypothesize vocabulário de operativa de mulheres para sentimentos e interior Estados é provavelmente 5-1 em comparação com a maioria dos homens. Nós parecem estar caindo fora de muitas conversas, algumas das quais são necessários e importantes para relações de direita.

Homens, no entanto, vão ficar juntos nas trincheiras, em suas equipes e com outras tarefas, sentindo-se um tipo de União, lealdade e carinho, uma ligação muito real com seus companheiros na fazendo, ao invés de falar. Em tarefas de grupo ativo, os homens não são geralmente do competidor mas literalmente ombro a ombro em seu trabalho. Este é realmente um sentimento masculino de intimidade, que as mulheres nem sempre compreender ou apreciar. Pode levar os homens a grande amor, trabalho duro e sacrifício para os outros. Isto talvez explique por que esportes, guerra e o trabalho físico apelam aos homens; tal atividade de ombro a ombro fornece uma maneira para se conectar e estar em relacionamentos.

Pergunta:

Que situações me lembro, em que eu era o ombro a ombro com os outros em uma tarefa compartilhada?

Comentário de Francisco:

Ação contra falando. Fazendo versus sentimento. Estas são apenas duas das diferenças clássicas entre nós e as mulheres em nossas vidas. Hoje, parece que a abordagem feminina para relacionamentos recebe um lote de tempo de antena como positivo e a melhor maneira de levar a vida, enquanto nosso caminho masculino é repreendido. Curiosamente, vejo as queixas das mulheres mais como sua demonstração de não ser capaz de nos entender e por que somos como somos. Nós somos chamados de "idiotas", "Neandertais", insensíveis, etc. Este chamado nome faz tanto sentido quanto nos dizendo que as mulheres são "bebês" porque eles choram, ou "imaturo", por causa do drama em suas vidas.

Nós e as mulheres que sabemos operam em um diferentes níveis (igual, mas diferente de como a intimidade é demonstarated. Eu uso a palavra intimidade, não o contexto feminino, mas o contexto masculino: trabalhando para o objetivo comum, se unindo, apoiando uns aos outros. Nós, como seres humanos, precisamos de ser social. A ligação. No nosso caso, como homens, isso resume a formando uma comunidade com nossos amigos e familiares. Oferta de assistência quando necessário (ou não necessários), sendo que no ombro que pode contar.

Ter esse tipo de intimidade com nossos amigos e familiares é uma vitória para todos.

Why Labels?

Well, I am back in the United States after two months in the Azores, specifically Sao Miguel and several days on Santa Maria. Sao Miguel is the most developed of the Azorean islands, which is good and bad. Development has brought four lane highways, wifi in many places, hiper (super) markets, good cafes, nice restaurants, etc. On the other hand, some of the charm is gone. Centers of towns are emptying for the suburbs, the "traditional stores" are losing out to the shopping mall and international stores. So, it really is a toss-up. Does development stop? Or does it continue?

One interesting thing I did notice is that whenever I was introduced, it was always: "Isto e o meu primo Francisco da America." Which translates to: "This is my cousin Francisco, from America." After a while, I started asking myself why people always included the disclaimer, "from America." Maybe it was s a conversation starter for me, or as an explanation about my personality. I really don't know, but next time, I am going to ask why people say that.

PORTUGUESE

Bem, eu sou volta nos Estados Unidos depois de dois meses nos Açores, especificamente de São Miguel e vários dias em Santa Maria. São Miguel é a mais desenvolvida das ilhas dos Açores, o que é bom e ruim. Desenvolvimento trouxe quatro estradas de pista simples, Wi-Fi em muitos lugares, hiper (super) mercados, bons cafés, bons restaurantes, etc. Por outro lado, alguns do encanto se foi. Centros das cidades estão esvaziando para os subúrbios, as lojas"tradicionais" estão perdendo para o shopping e lojas internacionais. Então, realmente é uma incerteza. Desenvolvimento pára? Ou, se isso continuar?

Uma coisa interessante que eu notei é que sempre que me apresentou, era sempre: "Isto e o meu primo Francisco da América." Que se traduz em: "Este é o meu primo Francisco, da América." Depois de um tempo, comecei a me perguntar por que as pessoas sempre incluíram o aviso de isenção, "da América." Talvez tenha sido o s um começo de conversa, para mim, ou como uma explicação sobre a minha personalidade. Eu realmente não sei, mas da próxima vez, vou perguntar por que as pessoas dizem isso.

Male Journey #15

THE SEA AND THE LAND

One of the most pleasant things that most of us enjoy doing is going to the beach or simply looking at the oean. For me, visiting the sea is a way to calm my heart and give me time to simply stop and enjoy some mental tranquility. For years I have wondered why that was so, and then it hit me: the relationship of the sea to the land is like the relationship between God and man. So simple, but yet so complex.

Listening to the endless sound of the waves crashing against the land made me think of my relationship with God: God is the ocean, waves crashing into the cliffs of the land, gradually trying to end the resistance that the land (my heart) puts up to keep things as they are; the way that life makes me feel comfortable. To keep me in a comfort zone that I have created for myself, and we for ourselves. Over the years, the rock breaks down to become sand as God gets closer and closer to me. But, the question is: will I help him? Or will I continually reenforce the the land to slow or to stop Him giving me his unconditional love? This all really comes to down to the ultimate question which I must face: to accept God's love or reject it? It is really as simple as that, isn't it?

I have been given the free will to accept God's love and his endless invitations, but many times I find that it is easier to reject it and give in to the opposite. For me, and I think for many of us, the way of rejection is easier: immediate gratification and living for the now, as opposed to taking the oftentimes more difficult road of acceptance of God's love... but at what cost?

I ask myslef, "what is the cost of rejecting God's love?" A few laughs? Riches? Power? Acceptance by my peers? These are questions which often cause me (us) to wrestle with my (our) heart(s)... the little voice in my mind. As economists say, "what is the tradeoff?" I (we) ask myself: Do I reject God's love in life, take the easy road and get what in return? Temporary satisfaction? An increased ego? Our modern society encourages us to be "modern, sophisticated people," but are we really? Or are we dupes of an unseen power whose sole purpose is to condemn us to a life of shallow happiness with little or no hope for the future?

So, back to the beach. I relax with the surf as it manhandles the land. I feel the resistance of the land, but I also see the cliff and the sand rolling and washing into the sea and that gives me unboundless hope. I know that God is winning, I know that God will not stop. Am willing to join his thundering surf and gain the full benefits of His love, or will I continue to resist? The final decision is mine. The final decision will shape my future, as the sea shapes the land.

Male Journey 14

We have looked at the role which listening to our inner voice, God's voice, plays in our lives and the impact of listening or ignoring can have on us. Today, I would like to go a little deeper at looking into listening and extending the listening into the benefits of contemplation, primarily the role of contemplation into bringing peace into our internal lives, but also to our external lives. Jean-Baptiste Chautard writes that contemplation of God brings about four benefits: a more stable life; a sweeter life; richer life in merits; and a more secure life. We will look at these as the active life adding contemplation to our routine.

More stable life: Our active life is limited to our time on earth. Our jobs, raising a family, hobbies, etc., but at death the interior life (the contemplative) of God has no decline. "By it,  our sojourn on earth is but a continuous ascension toward light, which renders incomparably bright and rapid." Luke 10:42. Our active life is temporary, but our contemplative life and our relationship with God is eternal.

Sweeter life:  By thinking about God and being open to God completely we surrender to His love and goodness. We live his life and benefit from all which He has to offer us, good and bad. This complete and total surrender brings us an inner peace that allows us to put the sweetness and troubles of our lives into perspective.

Through contemplation of God we also get nearer to a life rich in merit. "With contemplation come all goods," wrote Richard St. Victor. Contemplation increases the strength of the will and the deeper grace which helps us to purify our souls.

A life which includes contemplation also brings about security because there are fewer dangers. Our active life is greatly agitated, feverish, greatly agitated and is therefore weakens us in three ways: anxiety in thoughts, disturbed in its affections, and many occupations. We are being pulled that we lose our connection to God, which is all that really matters.  The active life is easier for most of us to live than the interior life. We see immediate results in a job, a game, a relationship, but the interior life is more of a personal investment in our intangibility... our soul our eternity.

O.k., so this all sounds good, but what do we do? It seems to me that we need to discipline our minds to hunger for quiet and thus make the time for the soul everyday. In quiet, we can start to focus on our relationship with God. We can do this through mental prayer, and reading spiritual books. We can zero in on who we are and how our active life distracts us from our eternal life. For many of us this is difficult to do, but through practice and determination we will start to notice opportunities are available and then we realize that we are not alone in our quest for inner peace as we struggle to change our lives for the better. We realize that we have a lot of help,  if we start to listen and start a conversation with God.

Nós olhamos o papel que ouvir a nossa voz interior, a voz de Deus, desempenha em nossas vidas eo impacto de ouvir ou ignorar pode ter sobre nós. Hoje, eu gostaria de ir um pouco mais fundo no olhar para escutar e estender a escuta sobre os benefícios de contemplação, principalmente o papel de contemplação para trazer a paz em nossas vidas internas, mas também para as nossas vidas externas. Jean-Baptiste Chautard escreve que a contemplação de Deus traz quatro benefícios: uma vida mais estável, uma vida mais doce, a vida mais rica em méritos, e de uma vida mais segura. Vamos olhar para estes como a vida ativa acrescentando contemplação à nossa rotina.

Vida mais estável: Nossa vida ativo é limitado ao nosso tempo na terra. Nossos empregos, criar uma família, hobbies, etc, mas na hora da morte a vida interior (o contemplativo) de Deus não tem declínio. "Por isso, a nossa permanência na terra é apenas uma ascensão contínua em direção à luz, o que torna incomparavelmente brilhante e rápida." Lucas 10:42. Nossa vida ativo é temporário, mas a nossa vida contemplativa e nosso relacionamento com Deus é eterna.

Vida mais doce: Ao pensar sobre Deus e estar aberto a Deus completamente nos rendemos ao Seu amor e bondade. Vivemos a vida e beneficiar todos que Ele tem para nós, bom e mau oferecer. Essa entrega total e completa nos traz uma paz interior que nos permite colocar a doçura e os problemas da nossa vida em perspectiva.

Através da contemplação de Deus, nós também chegar mais perto de uma vida rica em mérito. "Com a contemplação vêm todos os bens", escreveu Richard St. Victor. Contemplação aumenta a força de vontade ea graça mais profunda que nos ajuda a purificar nossas almas.

Uma vida que inclui a contemplação também traz segurança, porque há menos perigos. Nossa vida ativo é muito agitado, febril, muito agitado e, portanto, nos enfraquece em três formas: ansiedade em pensamentos, perturbados em suas afeições, e muitas ocupações. Estamos sendo puxados que perdemos a nossa conexão com Deus, que é tudo o que realmente importa. A vida ativa é mais fácil para a maioria de nós para viver do que a vida interior. Nós vemos resultados imediatos em um trabalho, um jogo, um relacionamento, mas a vida interior é mais um investimento pessoal na nossa intangibilidade ... nossa alma, a nossa eternidade.

O.K., então isso tudo soa bem, mas o que vamos fazer? Parece-me que precisamos disciplinar as nossas mentes a fome de calma e, assim, fazer o tempo para a alma todos os dias. Em silêncio, podemos começar a nos concentrar em nossa relação com Deus. Podemos fazer isso através da oração mental e leitura de livros espirituais. Podemos concentrar em quem nós somos e como nossa vida ativa nos distrai da nossa vida eterna. Para muitos de nós isso é difícil de fazer, mas por meio da prática e determinação, vamos começar a perceber as oportunidades estão disponíveis e, em seguida, percebemos que não estamos sós em nossa busca pela paz interior como lutamos para mudar nossas vidas para melhor. Nós percebemos que temos muita ajuda, se começarmos a escutar e iniciar uma conversa com Deus.

 

Male Journey # 9 Workaholics for God

The Male Journey, #9

Workaholics for God

Many of the most successful and hardworking men, men with the best of intentions, spend their whole lives as virtual workaholics for God or family. They hope their commitment to energy and investment of time will save their soul, support their family, and make them more worthy of eternal life. In this way we seem to to avoid the depth and joy of the right now-- so that we can get extended life later, which is an odd strategy. Do wen really want life or not?

Meanwhile, God keeps gently breaking in, tapping us on the shoulder, trying to get our attention to let us know that achievement and worthiness were never the issue. The issue was always, and only, about relationship. Brothers, do not avoid relationships with God in favor of supposed good work for God or anybody else. That is precisely what so many sons resent about their fathers: “he made money for the family, but he never just wanted to be with us.”

Questions:

When am I most likely to try to be worthy of God's kingdom?

Do I keep my work in balance?

My Commentary:

According to Richard Rohr, it appears that men measure their success by the amount of work they do and the amount of money they earn. But, it seems to me, that work is a relative term. In Western civilization, work means to physically labor, to put in long hours, bring home a paycheck, etc. The question is, of course, at what cost?

But, what about the work of family, love, and compassion?

In reality the work that truly matters is the hard is the hard work in creating an on-going meaningful relationship with God. This is the relationship that will bring peace and happiness to our lives! Once we dedicate ourselves to the job of listening and knowing God, then everything else in our lives fall into place.

We need to avoid being blinded to the true nature of life: preparing for eternal life. Our lives, our work, our self-importance, our knowledge, our ignorance are not even a minute spec on a grain of sand in the all the universe compared to what life with God will bring us.

An on-going theme in these discussions is listening to our inner voice; listening and taking counsel from God. With this responding to the messages given us by God, then we struggle to achieve eternal happiness.

Francisco

A Jornada Masculina, # 9

Workaholics para Deus

Muitos dos homens mais bem sucedidos e trabalhador, os homens com a melhor das intenções, passam suas vidas inteiras como workaholics virtuais para Deus ou da família. Eles esperam que seu compromisso com a energia e investimento de tempo irá salvar sua alma, sustentar a família, e torná-los mais dignos da vida eterna. Desta forma, parece que, para evitar a profundidade ea alegria do agora - para que possamos ter a vida prolongada mais tarde, que é uma estratégia estranha. Não wen realmente quer da vida ou não?

Enquanto isso, Deus guarda gentilmente quebrar dentro, tocando-nos no ombro, tentando chamar nossa atenção para nos informar que a realização e dignidade nunca foram a questão. A questão era sempre, e apenas, sobre o relacionamento. Irmãos, não evitar as relações com Deus em favor do suposto bom trabalho para Deus ou qualquer outra pessoa. Isso é precisamente o que tantos filhos ressentem sobre seus pais: "ele fez dinheiro para a família, mas nunca só queria estar com a gente."

Perguntas:

Quando estou mais provável para tentar ser digno do reino de Deus?

Eu mantenho o meu trabalho em equilíbrio?

Meu Comentario: 

De acordo com Richard Rohr, parece que os homens medir o seu sucesso pela quantidade de trabalho que fazem e da quantidade de dinheiro que ganham. Mas, parece-me, que o trabalho é um termo relativo. Na civilização ocidental, o trabalho significa fisicamente de trabalho, para colocar em longas horas, levar para casa um cheque de pagamento, etc A questão é, naturalmente, a que custo?

Mas, o que sobre o trabalho da família, amor, compaixão e?

Na realidade, o trabalho que realmente importa é o difícil é o trabalho duro na criação de uma relação em curso significativa com Deus. Esta é a relação que trará paz e felicidade para nossas vidas! Uma vez que nós nos dedicamos ao trabalho de ouvir e conhecer a Deus, então tudo em nossas vidas cair no lugar.

Precisamos evitar ser cegado para a verdadeira natureza da vida: preparar para a vida eterna. Nossas vidas, nosso trabalho, nossa auto-importância, o nosso conhecimento, a nossa ignorância não são ainda uma especificação minutos em um grão de areia no todo o universo em comparação com o que a vida com Deus vai nos trazer.

Um tema on-going nessas discussões é ouvir a nossa voz interior, escutando e tomando conselho de Deus. Com esta respondendo às mensagens dadas por Deus, então vamos lutar para alcançar a felicidade eterna.

Francisco

Praying For Peace

Sometimes the simplicity and the beauty of life hits directly over the head and we completely miss it. The other day I was reading the Prayer of St. Francis and it really hit me that it is a true call to a life of love and compassion that today we oftentimes forget.

Prayer is the archenemy of evil. Prayer can conquer evil and all that is required is that we pray! When prayer overtakes evil as our way of life, then evil is defeated and we enter a life of peace and love. Imagine if human beings prayed and lived the life advocated by St. Francis! What a glorious and wonderful world we would have. I challenge us to take up the mantle of Francis and pray his prayer and lead the life of the prayer. Good will result. Not only, for ourselves, but for those in our community, which in reality is the world.

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. 

Amen

Francisco

Male Journey 8

A Radically Benevolent Universe In the past view discussions of the Male Journey, we have been discussing the discovery if the inner-self and how that in itself helps shape who we are as men. This search can become a very challenging experience for us, if our objective is not fully understood. The struggle to find our role as men in our society can be daunting and can, if we surrender to the challenges, can act as a dam to the free flowing love which God constantly offers us. Our universe is love and benevolence. We need to discover this and so benefit from it and become the men that we are expected to be.

 If we cannot understand that the our universe is deep-set in love, a love that is overwhelmingly available to us, we then ask if life is worth living and so fall into a state of despair. As we look at the history of masculinity, we can see that despair has overwhelmed many of our brothers throughout time and so we see frequent examples of war, moral collapse, or simply social chaos. If we become aware of the goodness and love of God, a goodness and love that at times is not easily recognizable, we will naturally develop a happiness of life which will not only influence us, but will overflow to our families, friends, and society. Males face intellectual and spiritual challenges that are quite different from those of women. It appears to me, that we men are more easily influenced/controlled by the “whirlwind” of the universe.

Men succumb to the invitations of evil at a high rate (this can be looked at in many different ways and I am not trying to imply in any way that one gender is “better” or “more intelligent” than the other): sexual entreaties; an over-the-top desire to succeed, not mater what; ignoring the weak and less powerful; etc.

The “benevolent” universe God offers is the way for us to reject what we perceive as the easy way to achieve our negative objectives. By rejecting these offers of easy pleasure, power, avenues to ego development, etc. we will become better husbands, fathers, businessmen, teachers, etc. and so we can help nurture a better universe for the rest of society. Rejection of the “easy way” is difficult and unpopular. We may see ourselves as weak and “unmanly” if we reject the evil way, but in looking deeper into this, we see that it takes greater strength to reject evil, than to accept the love of God. If we believe that heaven is in us, and understand the love God has to give us in every aspect of life, we will be happier, and contribute to God's role as the provider of happiness in life.

 The basis for this discussion comes from Richard Rohr:

 A Radically Benevolent Universe Traditional myths and stories present a benevolent universe, a hostile universe, or an indifferent universe. This is what children seek in movies, books, and even video games; they are looking for the shape of their universe.

Mature Christians should recognize that ours is a generous and benevolent universe, as describe in the first chapter of Genesis. We are told that the world is not only good, safe, and on our side, but that there is Someone who is for us more than we are ourselves! This truth must be felt, understood, and drawn upon to become life-giving. The work of healthy religion is to open our eyes to see a world in which everything swirls with meaning.

Theologically, you could call heaven “the transcendent inside” of everything. Heaven is not so much a place out there as it is the full depth and dynamism of things in here. That's why Jesus said “the kingdom of [heaven] is within you” (Luke 17:21). Heaven is an experience now before it is later and forever.

 Q:

 When and in what circumstances, did I begin to understand that I am part of a larger story?

 Have I turned my back on a love based universe?

Returning

After a period away from this blog, I have decided to return with a fresh approach that reflects more the person I am.